I heart MY NAME IS EARL: Quotes

Randy: Hey Joy, can you help me?

Joy: The only thing that would help your worthless, never-achieve-anything-in-your-waste-of-a-breath life is if somebody drowned you in the river. (starts laughing) I'm just giving you a hard time sweetie. Whatcha need?

Randy: I'm trying to return this letter for Earl's list, but the address has a shamrock smudge. I've been asking everyone in the trailer park to help me figure out who wrote it.

Joy: Well that's easy! (opens it)

Randy: Earl says it's illegal to open somebody else's mail.

Joy: That's the good thing about having three strikes. You don't have to worry about stupid laws anymore.

Randy: I wish I had three strikes.

Joy: (sweetly) You will someday.